The Dichotomy of Personal Choice

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Recently I was super-excited to find a cheap online learning course regarding living a life with poise. I happen to like this author, most of the time, so I was excited to get a little more lifestyle reading in. But even as I signed up for the cheap course (which lets face it-nothing is new-it's always just a refresher of what's already been mind-consumed), I felt the pull against poise. The pull towards authentic honesty.

There are two different camps. The camp of elegance, poise, and a bit of polite mystery stand tall on one side. Meanwhile, the pull towards authenticity, honesty, and transparency rises on the other. True, there may be some who can straddle both camps, but I think that's rare. And I find myself being pulled back and forth. I feel as if I should be on the poise side-the senator's wife is how I would describe it. Cultivating an aura of warmth, while revealing nothing, living the beautiful life and striving towards greater beauty would be paramount in this lifestyle.
On the other hand, I have always feared I would be put in the dreaded Candor group in Divergent, with a pull towards openness and honesty. I want to drag people into my crazy, into my mess, and show them,"Hey, it's all okay."

I see people around me falling into these two camps. There are people on Facebook who only show the lovely parts, who never speak of sick relatives and rarely share photos. Everything they post appears so carefully planned to present an image which helps them climb the ladder of their ambition.
And then there are the real people, the open and honest people, who tell it like it is. And I think these are the people I like more. But of course, there has to be a balance. Feelings change on a breeze, a new thoughts changes the perspective, and creates an all-new terrain frequently. If you always tell it like it is, you'll be a in a mess. I like people who are open about peeing their pants on a date, who ask people for sympathy when loved ones are ill, and who admit when their spouse is being a butt.
But then I read the poise side, and I wonder if maybe they are right. The world certainly rewards them more.

And as someone with a growth mindset, because I too am a product of this environment, I want to be improve and become more and better. I just wonder which way more and better is. Obviously, this is a case of wanting to have my cake and eat it, too. I want to say what I think, have people care, but at the same I want people to take it with a grain of salt and not care. Impossible. Ideally, I would become one of those lucky few who straddle both camps. But who is to be my guide, when I don't know any of those people? Who is to show me where the line is, so I can push it just a little bit, without hopping off the edge?

I was talking to a relative a year or two ago, about my blog just not picking up the readers like I wanted it to. This person suggested I limit the amount of personal introspection and boil it down to a lesson to give people advice on how to better their own life. This leads to doubt and stilted writing as I feel I always have to have a point. Maybe I just need to go with my gut and write what I feel and if noone follows, noone follows. Not having followers and loyal readers though, when I have the urge to write, makes me feel as if I getting it wrong. Writing with authenticity is a matter of laying one's soul bare-or rather pieces of one's soul because if one were totally honest-well, it wouldn't be pretty-and it is raw and difficult. And to not be followed can lead to a such a flushed, hot feeling of embarrassment and shame.

And then I remind myself of all the times I was quiet, and I think a life not expressed is a life not really lived.

THE 50 WALK CHALLENGE

I am so excited! I have been lying around slothlike and really feeling the detrimental effects of not moving much. After going over my max daily maintenance calories AGAIN, I grabbed the boys and went for a starlit walk. And then it hit me!
I needed a goal to get myself moving on a regular basis. The idea for a 50 Walk Challenge came into my head, and wheels were set in motion.

As soon as I returned home from the walk, I downloaded an app to keep track of
my walk. I set a deadline of May 31st. I absolutely counted today's walk 😀. I decided the walk had to be a minimum of 15 minutes long to count.
Accountability is a hard one for me, so please feel free to ask me how the challenge is going. My current plan is to report back every Friday night until this goal is met!

I downloaded an app called Goal Tracker to my Android phone. I can just check off my daily walk.

Here is a pic of what the chart looks like.

I could use an accountability partner if you want to play along and share your workout or walks in my comments each week.

What a Wonderful World

Photo by Ricardo Resende on Unsplash

Today I was pouring myself out in words, playing up the melodrama, and feeling sorry for myself. I referred to my younger self as poor. Then all of a sudden little things started to happen, and I realized once again how lucky I have been.

What I realized:

• We didn't have a lot of money, but we had a mother who read to us which is worth its weight in gold. 
• I remembered a time in high school when we were running errands for French (as juniors). We stopped by my townhome, because I needed something. "Wow," my classmate (with the car) said, "How much do you guys pay in rent?" I told her. "That's what we pay for our house and these are much nicer!" Just a moment before I had been embarrassed over the trials of living in a rental townhome, and she was legitimately saying it was nicer. We stopped by her house after, and I understood.
• I remembered visiting a friend in a nearby neighborhood. My mom dropped me off with plans to pick me up later. As we walked back to her room, which was on a glassed-in porch, I noted there were no cabinets under the sink, just a cloth hanging there. Now, there is nothing wrong with that and it could be quaint, but it was my first time seeing someone in such a situation. 
• Then I was also lamenting having to make meatless meals for days on end for my kids when I was in college. Oh the horrors! And then as the day went on I realized, "My God! I had meals for my kids! Some people eat meatless meals every single day. By choice! I was able to go to college as a single mom. Sure our house was a bit crappy in large part due to my own poor housekeeping, but to pity myself as poor? I was so lucky!
• And finally, I was taking a long, hot bath searching through Zillow. Now typically I look at higher end houses for fun, but today, I decided to look at cheap houses just to see what was out there, and I saw some of those places and thought, my goodness-people live there. People get naked in that house and touch those floors with their bare feet, and I realized again, how darned lucky I have been.

And I had to shake my head at my own foolishness. Perspective is EVERYTHING. I know you have heard it many times before, but there are people out there who only DREAM of things you have. I have more than so many people on this earth, and if half of it went away, I would still have more. 

How is it that we get so lost in searching for what we lack or have lacked, that we fail to see all the abundance around us, over and over again? 

I need to make a sign, like Augustus Waters mom would put up, reminding me just how very lucky I have been in this world. I'll hang where I am forced to see, and I will remember what a wonderful world this is.

8 things I Do To Make Myself Happier

Listen! We are living in some crazy times. If you are anything like me, or say, the other 7. whatever billion people on this planet, your whole life has been turned upside down in just a few weeks. Although most of us are holding on the hope that things will eventually (and hopefully soon) get back to to normal, we are still going through a huge amount of uncertainty, upheaval, and resulting stress.

To get through these times without losing my mind, I find it helpful to keep a stash of little things in my back pocket to lift my spirits, so I can continue to be the strong and mighty queen the world needs!

This post contains affiliate links.

1. Rehydrate every morning

I find it hard to drink water, especially upon waking, EVEN IF my throat is dry. One thing that helps is having a quick 8 ounces before I start my coffee brewing (seriously it almost makes me gag, I don't know where this aversion comes from),  and then sip another warm cup with fresh squeezed lemon. Somehow when I warm up the mug of water, and splash a little zesty lemon it becomes a palatable treat!

I've got to get this happy cup!

2. Caffeinate

I like my coffee. Dark, rich, and hot, just holding that steaming cup in my hands in a fantastic morning pleasure. If coffee isn't your um, cup of tea, perhaps trying a cup of tea will give you a lift. There are so many varieties of coffee and teas, both caffeinated and decaf, you can easily find the right brew to lift your morning mood. Anything that becomes part of a quiet morning ritual will enhance your day and bring a feeling of wellness. When it comes to favorite brews, I swear I love the Walmart Great Value French Roast K-cups. To increase the value of that minute or so waiting for the Keurig to heat up and brew, I do between 20-30 various squats to tone my legs.

Go crazy and consider this coffee:

3. Morning Meditation

I am not going to lie. I am not a super-meditator who can sit for 45 minutes visualizing world peace (although if you are, you go!). But I like to sit and listen to a short meditative lecture on the Simple Habit app, while doing slow stretching exercises to warm my body up and loosen for the day. After that, I will listen to some white noise or meditative music and practice true meditation and visualization for oh, an average of around 6 minutes.
If the Simple Habit app isn't for you, here are links to several other similar sites you can try! 

4. Hiking

Photo by Toomas Tartes on Unsplash

While not my picture, and apparently that photo was taken in Chile, I love hiking. I don't do it nearly as often as I should, because the hump I have to get over to pack enough for the kids and get all the stuff ready seems to outweigh my perceived benefit of pushing through, but when I do push through I always am delighted I did. I love the outdoors, the scenery, the exercise, and even the confidence I feel when I manage rocky terrain surefootedly. Nothing as of yet has compared with our short family hikes in Rocky Mountain National Park, however, I have explored Ozark hills, quiet wooded paths,  emerald green paths atop the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland, and I plan to see how the Alps compare to the Rockies as soon as fate allows!

While not technically hiking boots, these were my go-to boots on rainy walks in Ireland:




I swear I love these things. I get so excited on work days when it is wet and rainy. A perfect excuse to wear my two-year-old boots!

5. Favorite Movies
A little media can be good for the soul. Watching a tear-wrenching film is often the carthartic release I need to look at the world through new eyes. Most of us are getting more than enough screen time. Let's just make sure it is something worth our time which enriches our lives. For you it might be a silly comedy, an action film, or a light-bright rom-com. You do you. You deserve it.

Or watch something fun, like the movie we got my youngest child, Alec's name from (I am totally the dorky blonde girl)

6. Reading

I will never have enough time to read. From fabulous fiction which takes me away to a better place, to informative and inspiring nonfiction which helps me discover who I was meant to be and encourages me to become that person, there are so many amazing books out there! Now that my life is so busy I read a lot more nonfiction than fiction. It is just so much easier to skim and drop off and pick up a nonfiction book. But every now and then a fiction book will grab ahold of me and won't let me go until we come to that shaky, sleep-deprived ending. Heaven!
I'll be posting on my current reading soon.

7. Brainstorm Fun Ideas

From bucket lists, to do now dream lists, to planning imaginary virtual vacations, I love to think about the all the options in the world, and think about what it would be like to make it happen.
I have recently been inspired by my reading of How to do Everything and Be Happy, by Peter Jones. It's a simple book to help you feel brave enough to take back some time and has practical hints on how to organize the things you want to do and get them done.

This is one of the books that is cheaper in paperback than kindle...

8. Practice Letting Go

Letting go of past hurts and disappointments is never easy. But it is the KEY to a happy outlook. Give yourself the time to really dig in and feel the feels and then when you are ready, look for the lesson, and move on. Learning not to hold grudges and not to drown in self-pity has given me the power to control my own happiness, and I recommend giving it a try. This is a lesson which requires practice, because once forgiven, doesn't mean always forgiven. The stubborn heart when challenged will bring back those unpleasant memories, so it helps to think of forgiveness as an ongoing process you can practice again and again and again.

I am sorry. My good-girl-ness doesn't usually like bad words, but is just so right on. A good short affirmation for yourself!



As you can see, these are simple ideas. Not a one of them is too crazy-hard to implement to increase your daily happiness. While you would obviously want to switch out the ones which don't work for you and put in things that make you, personally, happy, the key is to add a little joy to your life Every. Single. Day.

Analyze Your Writing and Discover Your Personality?

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

I have found this superfun (if you are a self-seeker) website which analyzes your writing style and makes a prediction on your personality type. After you cut and paste your text (with a substantial amount of your own writing), it will analyze your word choice and give a qualitative description of your personality as well as rate you on the big-5.

Now it doesn't do an MBTI test, but you can generate that yourself if you are familiar with the test.

I used three samples of writing. The strongest indicators which persisted through each piece for me personally was that I am philosophical, open to new experiences, and introverted. The rest depended on the particular piece of writing.


Give it a try here!  Personality Insights

I would LOVE to read a comment regarding your outcomes and experiences with this! Drop me a line.

Joy!

Yesterday I was reading people's first and second hand accounts with Covid-19 and worked myself into a state of worry by bedtime. I just kept thinking how I could possibly be down for a week or two or three, lying in bed miserable in pain, and how on earth Karl would keep the kids away. Then I worried about my husband's health, because he is the one still going out to work in an office environment with other people. He is going to pick up germs and spread them all over our house. Then I thought of our boys and I couldn't imagine them in such discomfort over a period of time. 

I think it would be wise not to read accounts of the misery of the illness. Every pain, every bit of pressure has me wondering, is this it? Is this a symptom? Like an 8-month-pregnant woman reading into every twinge as a sign of labor, I wonder if everything is just the beginning of an unpleasant illness.

But then morning comes, and I am such a morning person, and the sunlight is beautiful, and online classes for my students begin today, and joy will not be suppressed.

I hope everyone is well. How are you keeping your thoughts safe and happy! I would love it if you would share.

3-4-5 Plan

Update at bottom!✔️
Quarantine weight got you feeling sluggish? Between the boredom baking and the boredom eating, I have found my weight continuing its uphill climb, even as my energy levels are plummeting. If you find yourself in the same boat, feel free to follow this along with me.
The 3-4-5 diet plan is nothing new. Now, granted, I thought I was really on to something until I started typing this and ran a Google search and discovered, no, it's already a thing. But no worries.
The idea is you break your meals into 3 and segment the calories as stated.

Breakfast: 300 calories
Lunch:      400 calories
Dinner:     500 calories

Now, I am not going to stick to 500 calories for dinner. As long as I eat under 1700 a day, I will lose weight. So mine is basically a 300-400-500 to 1000 plan.

If you already skip breakfast, I am not going to say  go eat breakfast. Why would you add an extra meal if you are struggling with weight anyway? I am not going to talk about mini-meals or snacks or grazing, because we all got fat listening to that crap. If you do prefer to graze, you are old enough to break your time into chunks and keep your calories with in that range (6 a.m. to 11 a.m. keep it to 300 calories, etc).

Some additional rules I plan to follow are severely limiting tortilla chips. I love those things and sticking to the recommending serving size of just 7 chips is too, too painful for me. Also, limiting alcohol to weekends. I love a relaxing glass of smooth Cabernet Sauvignon, however, it also makes me hungry!

No night time snacking. I am the worst about first and second dinner and snacking. I want to stop eating at 5 or at least keep it to a cup or two of popcorn. Five works for us because the little kids like to eat early, however, I could feasibly make this work with a 6 p.m. cut off.

That's it! I use MyFitnessPal for calorie counting, so feel free to join me there. My name is blueberryjill.
Naturally, you should only restrict your calories if it is okay with your doctor and your health can support it. Use your brain and do what's right for you.

I will add my progress to comments later. I would love to hear how you are doing in your efforts to stay healthy in these times.

✔️