Focusing on Strengths

This affiliate link, which helps pay for the costs associated with blogging, leads to a great little handbook of ideas to prepare for the holidays.

If you are looking for fun ideas to get ready and organized for Christmas, I always love Alison May's series of kindle books on Amazon.

Today my daily motivational lesson from Simple Habit focused on Strengths. Knowing them and working with them and focusing on using them, instead of always operating from a deficit-based outlooked. This was nice for me, because I am very much a person who has focused on the deficit-based outlook. I totally blame this on a book I read, by some man, in my late 20s when I was going back to college. It specifically said to focus on your weak areas, so that you could become more well-rounded all around. So that is what I did.

I realize now, looking at the other people, and the amount of time and money they saved just finding what they liked and were good at and going for it, perhaps I shouldn't have taken his words so to heart. 270 credit hours later, I am still over here like, "Uh...what was the point again?"
Seriously though, I was never a math whiz (only a sad, sorry 27 on my math ACT), so of course, I had to get a minor in math. And I struggled. Calculus 2 and those damned series and sequences about did me in. Way too abstract for my brain. Oh, but rebel Jill stands up and say, "Hey, if you would have just sat down for several hours and really focused on getting it, you would have." Maybe. But I never wanted to. And maybe that is what I should have heeded. That part of me that said, "No, don't care." I loved history. I was good at history. I have at least 50+ hours of social sciences included 18 hours of history, with six of those graduate level. But I read, early in my career, history was considered an easy major, easy to get A's in, and I knew, that couldn't be the path.
I did end up with a psychology degree, when I ran out of money and had to just graduate already. And it was interesting, and at the graduate level would have been A-okay. But it was time to work. And so education it was. But education is what it almost always was growing up. I dont know if that was a calling (aside from wanting to write), or if it was that working class thing, where teachers were the first college educated people i really knew, and so it seemed most accessible. Or if that is what I was called to do. Old readers know I have been over all this before. Life runs in cycles, and so does the brain processes, it seems.
I am off track. My point was I should have focused on my strengths: Memory, writing. Languages (which I have forgotten from nonuse). Knowing what I know now, I should have double-majored in geology and antiquities, the science which really feels grounded to me and the a humanities-social science based degree which calls to my soul. But alas. Single mom with kids. I had real and practical decisions to make. And so, whoosh! Self-understanding and loving kindness wash away all the should haves and pride in how far I have made it take over. Perhaps it already is what it should be.

My strengths transfer to what I am doing. Who am I to say this wasn't the path all along? I just took the long and winding route.

So my The Universe has Your Back book, got weird on me. One day I am meditating for peace of mind the next, the lady is trying to send me on a guided meditation with my spirit guides. Not to knock anyone else's religion, but that was too far for me. If there ARE spirit guides (and that is very Embraced by the Light, Bettie Eadie-feeling), they are on the other side of the veil and not to be interacted with. Our feet are on the ground because they are meant to be on the ground. How does one distinguish between enlightenment and mental illness at the point? Not the path for me. I am still meditating. Sitting quietly, attempting to clear my thoughts, saying nice things to myself. I am just not verbally inviting the unseen to travel along with me. If they are there, they are there. If not, well, okay.

I am feeling a bit apprehensive. I want a day to stay in bed. I have a meeting today, so I am going to get up and get it done, but I don't feel ready for the world today. It will be okay. It is just winter's hermit mode setting in, most likely.

Have a beautiful day. Maybe purchase the ebook and get a few ideas.

Another Thanksgiving

Dawn is still holding off, and now that we have moved the desktop upstairs to make an office, I have a glorious view of the east from the window behind the computer. I awoke early, certain I did not want to work on paperwork for school. I must get to that tomorrow morning. I don't want to scramble on Sunday. Plus the waiting makes the time off less satisfying, because I know it is there.

Thanksgiving is a marvelous reminder to be grateful for the many things we have.Sometimes I will more publicly list my reasons to be thankful on social media, but often that feels slightly indulgent. So I will keep my list a little quieter, in my heart, this year.

I find I miss my mother on Thanksgiving. Whether we had a meal together or I visited her later in the evening, she was always up for a movie or some sort of fun. I miss her energy and the warmth of her voice. Sometimes I still feel her breath on my shoulder or the softness of her skin.

My son, Caleb, isn't wrapped up in Thanksgiving memories. If he was home, he was likely hiding in his room, and would come out to tell me which foods he hated. I think he liked turkey, though one year I lied and told him it was a really big chicken, in order to get him to eat it. He was so fussy. But he rarely participated in festivities, and I think he spent Thanksgiving evenings with his dad and later working. So no tears of remembrance fall in that regard.

I am thoroughly enjoying meditating for calmness. I like the heady feeling of power when I find I can completely change my mood. I have watched others do it, an old retired coworker when I would get frustrated and worked up, would interject with questions about my children, knowing that would change my mood. I could see her doing it, and part of me was like, Wait! I need to hang on to this anger, and part of me was like, Well, alright. I will play. Learning to let go of anger is no easy feat. Everywhere around us we receive messages: Go get yours. Don't get mad, get even. And so on. This idea that we fight and struggle for every tiny bit of real estate in the world is prevalent. I am not saying to let go and be a doormat. What I am saying is, not everything is worth the fight. Not every negative feeling, slight from others, or rejection, requires a huge emotional investment. Sometimes, acknowledgment and shrugging it off is the answer. And the true ding! ding! ding! million dollar answer is learning to shrug it off and give others the grace your ego doesn't feel they deserve.

Giving grace to others when you are hurt, is so hard. Maybe you were hurt on purpose and maybe not. But true peace can only come to yourself when you learn to give others the same benefit of the doubt you wish to receive. It isn't easy! Ego stands up and demands to be heard. But just like my coworker could turn my head away from anger, ego can be turned to something more productive.

It isn't easy. It takes a lot of practice and falling down and failing. But we have a lifetime to learn.

So thankful for the words to express myself and this magical space in which to do it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Butterscotch Blondies

I came home from work craving a little sweet treat, but sadly there was nary a bit of chocolate to be found. Next best thing? Ooey, gooey butterscotch blondies!

I chose this recipe because it was made with oil and I am economising on butter. I did substitute a glass pie plate for the 8x8 pan.

The recipe can be found here.

It was super easy to whip up in a matter of minutes!

First I mixed the wet ingredients. I just used a big spoon.

Next I added the dry . 

Finally, I put it all in the baking pan!

Less than 30 minutes later, a sweet and easy treat for the kids ( and grown ups, too!).

Actually, it took almost an hour. Between my two-year-old messing with the lock on the oven door, my seven-year-old and hisneighbor friend running around , and my nine-year-old asking me to look up molecular formulas for various acids, I somehow turned the oven off . I realized my mistake eventually and finished baking the Blondies. They were just a smidgen brown on the bottom😁

Popular- A book

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I just picked up this book and read it tonight (it's a fairly short read). It was exactly what I needed at this time. The author, Mitch Prinstein looks at how popularity continues to greatly influence life outcomes, even though the subject is almost taboo. Popularity continues to exert a  huge influence regarding who is listened to, who is taken seriously, and who is ignored or neglected.
Seeing it in book form was both exciting and slightly discouraging, as if you are one of the unpopular, you tend it hope it is all in your head. He also explains how popularity is linked to income, retaining one's job in tough times, getting one's way over others, among other things.

One story he told was how an impassioned mother fought for six months, lobbying, researching, and working towards getting a gifted program in her local school. The school board repeatedly denied her. Then a more popular lady whisked in, and using nothing but her own personal power, persuaded the school board to start a gifted program within 15 minutes. I know many of us can relate to this, and the helplessness we feel when we are on the "unpopular" side of such circumstances.

The author splits people into five groups: the average, the accepted, the rejected, the neglected, and the controversial.
The average make up about 40% of the population, with the accepted being the popular and well liked people. The rejected are the ones who are not liked, although, they may not even know they are rejected or disliked, but they are known. Ouch. The neglected simply tend to be forgotten, and finally the controversial may be high profile or high status, but aren't particularly liked by peers. Of these, of course, the accepted fare best.
Seeing which group one falls into is fascinating, although as stated early, it isn't really a huge surprise. Additionally even among the average in the center, each person has tendencies towards one of the other groups.  Instead, the book takes what is probably experienced day to day, and occasion to occasion, and puts it into terms and words which lend validity to the experience.

The author isn't without hope that people who fall into the less desired corners can change and become more popular. He does, however, note that during times of stress or in new situations, we all have a tendency to revert to the feelings of adolescence, thus making true change difficult (although not impossible).

Personally, I enjoyed this book because the stories told contrasting different people and their outcomes was fascinating. I could find myself and see my own experiences in the five groups of people, and could quickly identify the two I lean towards . If you are slightly on the nerdy side, and want a book which validates your experiences in the world of grown-up cliques and power structures, it's a fun read.

Quotes for business hurdles

Sophie's World was required reading for my Intro to Philosophy class in college. Not too challenging and made the history of philosophy accessible and interesting.
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If you are anything like me, you love a good quote! Quotes remind us of truths, give us insight, and sometimes simply give us a positive direction to aim our thoughts. While sometimes quotes can become empty platitudes full of saccharine goodness without any real truth and weight to them, the right quote can truly impact your life and day in a positive manner.

Whilst looking up information regarding something someone said in a post on Quora, "Buddha doesn't belong in the boardroom," I stumbled upon these inspiring quotes. Not all fit. Certainly not all fit all the time. However maybe if you are feeling a little discouraged, you can find a nugget of truth in them.

Business Relevant Quotes from Ancient Philosophers

The "I Don't" List

This week, a link to Holly Wainwright's blog post, "Every Woman has an 'I Don't List...' came into my feed. And it's great. And it's true. Noone can do everything. Those sports-crazy parents whose kids are awesome athletes on the rise, probably aren't getting hours hiking in the woods and sitting around the campfire. Those quiet, hygge families who are cozy at home playing board games and designing their own latch hook rug patterns, aren't out there as movers and shakers in the public eye.

I felt so empowered when I first read it. I thought about my own I don't list.

1. I don't do PTA.  I will join.  I may even volunteer from time to time (although the last time I totally forgot and was an hour and a half late😓. However I don't go to meetings, call people, or gather shoes for charity.

2. I only shave my legs when I have to. First razors are crazy expensive and second, I am getting to the age where  balancing one leg in the shower with the other perched up on the shower wall, just doesn't seem wise.

3. I don't have to advance in my career.  I am in a field where it is perfectly respectable to remain in the same place, as weird and pathetic as that seems.

4. I don't have to decorate for every holiday and share pinterest-worthy pictures.

5. I don't have to feel bad for being introverted.

6. I don't HAVE to become famous at something, make my name, earn some bucks. The concept that it is okay to live a mediocre life fits here.

7. I don't have to exercise if  I don't want to.  Being a soft and squishy granny isn't illegal yet!

And at first I was like, "Yes!" But then that little pulling started-the tearing at the edge of my skin saying, "Yeah, but!"

What can I say? I was raised in Puritanical, work-'til-you drop America.

And  I started to think, I don't HAVE to be active in PTA, but wouldn't my kids benefit from increased popularity and social connections if I were?

I don't have to shave my legs, but who doesn't love that silky soft, shaved all-over feeling as you go about your day?

I can "just" be a teacher, but why should I let other people who don't really know me define my value? What if there is something tailor-made for me just around the corner? What if I am capable of actually making a difference and influencing with my views? I think that is why the internet and internet-based businesses are so attractive. The gatekeepers are losing influence.

These are my kids' memories. Of course, I should decorate for holidays. My hands are useless-it won't be pinterest worthy:).

Extraverted people have friends. And fun. And get invitations! I want to be involved and active and make a difference, and enjoy people. And yet, my energy level shrinks at the thought. Like how does one remain interested and pleasant without that time to hide away and think about things? How does one write?

And no. I don't have to be famous. I don't have to become an author, or write thoughts which inspire others, or have a successful business. But my heart desires it. If I give up, I will never get it.

And exercise. I want to be comfortable and slimness is pleasant, but what I really desire is time to go out hiking in the hills without dragging a ton of stuff to keep the kids happy. Someday.

All these ideas saying it is okay not being perfect, are hit with all these other ideas that I should never give up! Always keep striving and doing more and growing and being more.

But, then I sometimes wonder-what if there isn't more? What if the only people benefitting from all this work is the money collectors at the top. What if it is all a plan to keep us on the wheel, pushing pushing pushing with the rainbow promise at the end. And then as we think we are getting near, it all evaporates, because it was never more than a ray of light-hope, with no material value ever existing?

*****

And that I think, is where the true "I don't" list comes in. Realizing it may all be an illusion, we can really focus and ask, "What, of all this confusion and mess, is worth striving for?"
When we think about what we want so badly we can taste it, suddenly we know what it is we MUST do. What our soul call to us to do. And then we can take all those dropped balls, the ones that didn't really matter, and add them to our "I don't" list with the true confidence of self-understanding and knowledge.


On that vein, one of my favorite reads when I was in college:

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All Right, Universe! I'm Back.

As I continued in my reading of The Universe Has Your Back last night, I read on to discover the truths I had been needing this week. Last night's reading had to do with Universal Lessons, such as being completely present and leaning towards joy. There were six steps for how to live more present and in your truest sense of your self. I am going to focus on Step 1, because it gave the aha moment I needed last night, as my energy levels were drawing close to the bottom.

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Step 1: Focusing too much on the presence of fear is getting in the way of our presence of love. And suddenly, just by reading this one step, where the author, Gabrielle discusses being "caught up in her crazy (p.56)," I realized that was exactly what I was doing. I was getting caught up in my crazy, by focusing on my fears rather than love. I was focused on not getting what I want out of life, on jealousies, and inadequacies, which wasn't leaving any room in my life for love. Now, granted, I get a LOT out my slightly negative introspection. First, it feels a little closer to the truth, so I feel like I am stumbling upon something more real. I enjoy it. I enjoy being critical of the way the world is set up and discovering the flaws in it. The problem is, of course, while I can play there a little while, it is exhausting and painful, and makes me not much fun to be around. Sometimes you have to whitewash a little, shrug things off, cut yourself a little slack, because joy and survival are real and important things.

Gabrielle's solution is to step back and pray using the affirmation, "I step back and let the Universe lead the way." For those of us in the bible belt, who may feel a little uncomfortable with the "Universe," just reminding oneself that God is in control, can be helpful. Just stopping the crazy introspection and saying, "I step back and let God lead the way," can remind us there is a bigger, better plan that what is currently swimming in our gray matter, and we need to relax and let it unfold.

This is a relief to me, as I feel it is time to shift away from ultra-seriousness after a challenging week. It's a welcome break, and a good reminder to focus on love and joy. This week, let me suggest,  as the challenges of your life unfold, step back and remind yourself who is in control. Remind yourself someone with a greater understanding is pulling strings all over the place, and relax into who you are meant to be when you are operating in love, rather than fear.