The Well-Lived Life

 

Someone I follow on Facebook had used this quote to describe why she no longer uses a daily planner, but instead has a simple book which she uses to sketch and jot down ideas.

I love this quote because it reminds me to stop and smell the roses. Which I do already, I can sit and savor the moment like noone's business, but I do find myself drawn to the other extreme as well.

I love problem solving. I get a thrill out of finding the problem in an otherwise okay situation and thinking about how it can be improved. Some people call that negativity. I believe there could be some good in having that skill. I just haven't found it  yet. Or perhaps I am in the wrong field. I love it when everything is almost right, and then! I find the crack. I get off on that a little. Anyway, I thought about this quote and what it means to me.

There is a reality out there. There are sweet, pink roses to smell and there is dark, musky coffee to savor. I imagine the exquisite rush of a blustering breeze at the top of a mountain. The glint of sunlight on crashing foam waves as my feet sink ever so slightly into the damp sand. There are laughs to share and cozy beds to snuggle into on cold wintry nights (well, not so much in this part of the country--oh North, I belong with you). And all these delicious sensual delights indeed add up to a life well-lived.

But what is this about problem-solving? As someone on a constant quest for self-improvement, this made me wonder-am I missing the point? Can we work for more and for better and still savor what we have?

I think we can. I think we can find the crack in the armor, while still appreciating the fine workmanship of that armor. We can see what needs more work, without disparaging what has already been accomplished. I believe in counting our blessings, and I believe in progress. Life merely lived doesn't progress. Constant striving for progress doesn't appreciate.

I think that is what this blog should be about: Finding that balance.

Goal For It Challenge

As some one who is always looking for ways to improve, when I received the email for the Goal For It challenge from Mother Like a Boss, I thought, "Why not?"

I signed up for several home and personal life improvements sites a few weeks ago as part of my "getting my act together" act. I mean, Hey, I'm 45. It is time. But I do not hardly EVER listen to podcasts. I can't stand them. Videos are hard to watch, too. The information is just presented way too slow for my tastes. Plus I hate excess noise. Yep. I am that woman. So fun at parties, right? I want to READ and soak up as much as I can as fast as I can (unless it is fiction, of course). So I have to dance along the edges of a website and dig deep into the files to find the golden nuggets I can access visually.

So I signed up and received an email with a link to my three goal-setting pages. The emails and videos (let's hope there is a transcript! because nothing is worse than a stranger's bantery chit-chat) start next week. At this point, I am not even sure what my goals will be. Aside from the obvious ever-popular weight loss goal, which I am currently squishing nicely (eight pounds lost, so I can't QUITE say I am crushing it. Yet), I am not sure exactly what to focus on. Hence the challenge.

I can't wait! If you want to sign up and do this, too, go to Mother Like a Boss. Currently there is a light blue banner across the front for the challenge which starts soon. 

Get more "Reading" Done Fast!

As someone who loves books and reading, I am always trying to find new ways to get as much information in my head as possible. Therefore I was super-excited to find this article:

The Way You Read Books Says a Lot About Your Intelligence, Here's Why, by Michael Simmons.

I was stumbling around looking for research to support my idea that early academics isn't best (although, likely you can find information to support either side).
Now I will admit looking for research that confirms my biases is not great methodology, and I can do better. I'll work on that later this year!

Anyway, I was so excited to find this article because it gives a clear formula for extracting the best out of a nonfiction book, quick. They should teach this in college. Let's be honest, we can't always read everything that his out there. But we can read reviews, interviews, and first and last chapters within 30 minutes or so. Imagine how much you can absorb by using this method. I love it!

Happy Planner June Snapshot

I am not a huge planner girl, but I do like to have one. I like the way this particular planner invites you to slow down and take a look at your life in the moment. Here is mine:

I am loving this month, but struggling with wanting to take a family vacation next year, and paying down debt that is getting out of control. I know what the responsible thing to do is, but I hate to let people down, too.
On the one hand, I think "Yolo, Dude!" On the other, there are 360 other days in a year to live well.



How do you make decisions like this?

Too Slick for My Own Good-My embarrassing problem and how I fixed it

Most of my life I have dealt with an embarrassing body problem.
I started having problems with sweaty palms around fourth or fifth grade. I remember someone taking my hand and saying, "Eww," and letting go. I remember my dad throwing my sneakers in the back of the truck when we were going on a trip to Ohio because they smelled that bad when I was in junior high. By the time I was in high school, I wondered if I would only be able to date during the winter and outside and safely bundled in thick gloves.

I remember loving accounting class in high school, but also I remembered all the tv shows of business people who SHOOK HANDS with strangers every day. How could I ever hope to lead a normal life when my hands could literally leave wet paw prints on papers and desktops?

Eventually I was able to use my girlish charms to convince someone to fall for me despite not being able to hold hands (I also found that guys who really like you, don't really complain about it). I did choose childcare and homemaking as my initial careers (after those teenage restaurant years). Kids don't complain about yucky hands.

Over the years, I tried everything available over the counter.  I ordered special online products. Powder and antiperspirants did nothing. Even giving up coffee didn't help.

Finally, after my first year of teaching (minimal handshaking required), ( and after giving up the idea of careers in other areas when a lady working for a nonprofit organization I was doing a service learning project for while temporarily working towards a technical writing degree literally grimaced and wiped her hand off after shaking hands with me),  I found the cure!

But let's back up a minute. What is hyperhidrosis?

According to WebMD, hyperhidrosis is excessive sweating (particularly of underarms, hands, and feet) which affects 2 to 3% of Americans for reasons unrelated to exertion or heat. It is a socially and professionally damaging condition to struggle with. For me, it often meant profuse hand and foot sweating starting as soon as I woke up in the morning or a few minutes after. It wasn't constant. There were a few times, on the jobs I got, when my hands were inexplicably dry. I savored those moments. I truly felt I was kissed by God when my body behaved during important situation. These moments were rare, unfortunately. People all over this city have probably wiped my sweat on their pants when I turned away. While for me there is definitely an anxiety link, apparently up to 32% of people with a social anxiety disorder suffer from the condition, (see https://www.healthline.com/health/diagnosing-hyperhidrosis/depression-and-anxiety#1) and even thinking about sweating could cause me to sweat, it also occurred while driving, typing, or sitting around watching television.

For more information on the condition itself,  see the link below.

Web MD information on Hyperhidrosis


I was lucky enough the summer after my first year of teaching to discover an ebook which had the "cure." It only cost about $20 plus about $10 for the initial supplies. And within a week. My hand and foot sweating stopped. Now when I have been pregnant or neglectful of the one week maintenaince treatment, my symptoms have returned, but as long as I do it once a week. My hands and feet are blessedly dry! It has truly taken a huge amount of painful stigma and embarrassment out of my daily life. There has been some compensatory sweating, like my upper lip, during stressful time, but I'd much rather swipe my lip off with my own sleeve than inflict the sweat on someone else.

If you know someone with this problem, check out this link below (or the many others which have since appeared)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOQfjZ9-Akw

This treatment takes some time. I have found using three 6v batteries works best, and it is helpful to have a show or podcast ready to go, because it gets boring. For me, I start with an initial treatment of 10 minutes before switching the current for another 10 minutes on my hands, and then my feet for a total of another 20 minutes. Usually after about 3 to 4 days it begins to work. Once it works fully, I only need to do the treatment every 7-10 days to maintain dryness. Side effects include itching. When the treatment is starting to work it starts to itch during and after treatment. It isn't constant, just sometimes.

Even though, I would rather not deal with this issue, I thank God every day I found this treatment!

Big Potential ~ a book review

Big Potential, written by Shawn Achor, is not what I thought it would be. The cover states Big Potenial, How Transforming the Pursuit of Success Raises Our Achievement, Happiness, and Well-Being. Of course, I was expecting a self-help  book which would help me improve my own life bit by bit.

This book, however, focuses on the interconnectedness of each person and how we reach greater heights by working together and helping one another out. This book is about leadership and taking an approach to leadership which is not self-serving, but one in which, each person works to help others grow, and in doing so increases their own achievement.

This is not the kind of book that tickles a self-proclaimed introverted loner's toes very much. But it was well-written and I kept reading and discovered some of the insights the writer discovered.

Achor writes many of us are still holding to a "survival of the fittest mentality" in which we focus on an individual's personal achievements: test scores, IQ, languages, and grades, but he argues by focusing on an individual's achievement, we are limited to small potential. He argues instead that true success, the correct variables to measure success (as backed up by his work at Harvard and some little study at Google), and greatest achievement actually occurs from the idea of "survival of the best fit," (p. 36). This is the idea that social connections and an awareness of their importance,  and the freedom of the team to speak equally and safely as the true key to big potential. 

Now my first thought was, "Oh God. Another leadership book." I am so sick of hearing this buzzword, which has been adopted my own workplace. I could have cried. I lean toward the "who", the individual. I don't want to think collectively. The idea of helping others rise while I feel invisible, is rather unappealing to me. It makes me feel rebellious and pouty and like stomping my feet in protest. But ... I do enjoy a nice small to medium size party, and I do think having a helpful, caring community within an organization is important. So I patted my pouty inner child and reminded her that she knew she needed some lessons on how the world works, hence all the reading, and continued.Now, none of this is brand spanking new to anyone who has been around awhile. We have all been hearing how much higher a goal can be met when everyone is working together, rather than every woman looking out for herself. I begrudgingly admitted there may be something to this, and continued.

The myth of the lone genius is discussed. Einstein and Shakespeare used and built on the ideas of others and what they put into place. Edision had the collaboration of a team that worked with him. According to the book "historians struggle to determine if he ever invented anything himself (42)." While he may have at one time been an inquisitive boy working in his parent's  shed (or something), The Wizard of Menlo Park didn't patent 1000 new inventions by his sole genius. It was in connection and collaboration with other great thinkers and experimenters.

This book requires a shift in mindset, from the me to the we. It isn't about how many points you individually scored, but the idea of how did you help your team win (p.67)? Again, as someone who never played organized team sports, that sounds a little yucky to me. But as someone who led my team to classroom jeopardy victory in tenth grade World History, I get it. They chose me for their team (who happens to love history and have a good memory for facts), and they were part of the winning team! Okay, I am sort of poking fun, but it is true. One of the ideas which has been floating around recently is you are the average of the five people you spend the most the time with. 

This idea that we inspire, challenge, and help each other achieve a greater potential through our social connections is not novel-it makes a lot of sense- but it can be used to help us achieve more. As we help those around us rise and succeed, we should naturally increase our own abilities and knowledge and find ourselves reaching higer potential.

It isn't the best news for a lone wolf, but it is a nice thought to mull over. 

I didn't sell any books, so Amazon cut off my affiliate status, so no link for now!

Achor, S. (2018). Big potential. 1st ed. New York: Currency, pp.42, 67.

Out of My Hands

One of the things I struggle with in this new blog, is how to show my faith in God without alienating those with different beliefs. I don't want to be a "believer and you can suck it" kind of person. Nor do I want to hide the role faith plays in my life because how can I say my truth authentically and hide such a large part?

I was thinking on this and I realized that although I do pray and bring God into my life every day, I tend to try to use Him as a tool, rather than the other way. I sift through challenges and plans and then call on God when I get confused.

And I realized, once again (because let's face it, I am a slow learner!) that God is more than my back pocket friend, if there is a God he is the guiding force of the Universe.

He is not the handy dandy notebook I pull out when I get confused. He is the one deciding the plans from the start.

This is hard to remember. It is hard to remember to ask God to guide your steps so you can fulfill his plan for you, rather than calling on him when you are struggling to implement your plans.

I struggle greatly. I find it hard to accept my place in this world. I want to be known. I want to be right in there making decisions and making plans for the organizations I am involved with. At the same time, I want to be left alone, to leave others alone, and free to express any and all emotions at whichever time I feel them. Those really aren't compatible goals. So when I make a mistake or reach a standpoint, that is when I call on God to help me out.

This isn't a new idea. There are numerous songs out there, the horrific "Jesus Take the Wheel" song (sorry, I just can't Carrie Underwood today), numerous Christian pop songs, all which serve as a reminder that it isn't ME in control of this life, but a stronger power, a Universal intelligence and strength.

This is where the struggle lies, I think. Reconciling the plans a higher power has for you with the plans you have made. Your voice matters. My voice matters. My desires and dreams are a big part of who I am, but they aren't the only part. There is a physical daily me that is who others see as the real me. The trick is remembering to ask for guidance first, rather than as an emergency plan when things aren't working out. Doing so lessons the likelihood I come across as a crazed, unfocused reactor, but a dedicated, focused person of worth and purpose.

This week, in addition to my earlier smiling goal, I am going to focus on asking for God's guidance first thing, rather than begging God to please make my plans happen.

Do you struggle with letting go of control? Sometimes it is scary to look at how much in this world is out of our hands. Think about what steps you can take today to bring you closer to your truest purpose without compromising who you are. How will you get there? Do you believe there is an overarching theme or purpose to your life? How will you reach it?