I have been quiet lately, I know. I started with a firm idea for this blog, but then I discovered more and more of my posts were straying from my intentions. I thought a break to focus on other areas of my life would help me come back with clearer intentions. Since my subpages, which do not have content yet, are Mind, Body, and Spirit, I probably need to focus more specifically on those. However, when I write here frequently, this place begins to feel like home and I want to put EVERYTHING here and focus gets lost.
I have been doing GREAT! That's another reason why I haven't been writing often. My habit is to use writing as a way to process the thoughts and feelings which are difficult to articulate in spoken word. I find once I have written it all out I feel much better (although other people might start to wonder about me). However, I am at home, and I am sleeping at least seven hours most nights (unheard of!) and the other day when I only slept for four, it didn't really bother me all day, because I was home and so well-rested overall.
My spirit is soaring at the lack of uncomfortable things to do currently. I have books and ideas to explore which keep my mind alive. My body, well, my body probably misses the forced movement of work, but I am taking walks and climbing up and down the staircase as exercise.
My biggest areas of stress have been the media and my spouse! I finally had to stop watching the news. At first I was fascinated by the death counts, but eventually I was turned off by CNN's slant. It wasn't like that back in the 90's (or didn't appear that way). The other channels, FOX and MSNBC, are even worse with their respected slants, and not really newsworthy channels. So I finally just decided to get my news from AP and Reuters articles. Now, I also LOVE a good conspiracy theory. It's an INTPs downfall at times (and I am feeling super INTP today). Even though I know MBTI doesn't make a lot of sense and is probably nonsense, I definitely identify with the INFP/INTP cognitive function descriptions, even though we are not highly regarded. I am working on determining which other type I like best and will mold myself to that when I figure out what it is.
Not really, but I like to think about it. But I definitely do give credence to conspiracy theories. The question is which one. Which leads me to the real struggle at hand. All the hate on both sides. People keep drilling in their own thoughts on social media with memes and shared articles day after day. I have lost a lot of respect for the left-leaning side due to hatefulness and suggesting they love their families more and almost wishing ill outcomes for others (it feels like). I lost a lot of respect for my right-leaning side years ago also due to hateful speech, so comparatively, I feel closer to them now. But I have been slowly unfollowing the constant meme generators (unless they are just funny) and naysayers, and will check back in with them with this not such a constant thing. Facebook is a lonely place now, mostly ads for businesses and people marketing themselves (which I totally want to do, once I get my focus nailed down). My spouse, well, the issue is, he is very smart and extremely passionate, which can make for a lot of emotion and stress. I want an even smooth life going on, and he is a roller coaster. It's a struggle.
I guess what I am struggling with is how to make this blog something which brings value to my readers' lives. I have a personal blog for just getting my feelings out. I want this to be more and more outwardly directed. That can be difficult for me, because I sort of think everyone will just figure out what works best for them. My husband often reminds me that other people aren't "researching" (as in google and books) every aspect of their lives to determine the best course. They are just living it. People need and crave direction at times. I like to take in enormous amounts of information, let is swirl around, and then pick and choose to make my own ideas and theories about life. That's another problem. I would identify as Christian, but I also am into some pretty new agey stuff. For example, I have been reading and enjoying horoscopes lately. Now, I don't truly believe the alignment of the stars on your moment of birth means a damned thing, BUT, I can still play with it and add it to my worldview, because its fun and why not? I can believe and not believe at the same time. Nothing is black and white. However, I don't want to be the person who leads someone away from their own prescribed path. I don't want to confuse others. I also have a strong desire to please and be liked, and I can't make everyone happy because religion is so polarizing. I know what needs to be done. I need to just share my thoughts and let people take or leave me. But I don't want to be left! So that's a fear I am working on.
So this is where I currently stand, and why I have been quiet.
Hopefully I will get this figured out soon and go back to sharing frequently.
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